


Long story short, my name's Phil

by inkbloot



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, M/M, i stayed up until 3am to write this, muse concerts, probably around 17? 18? idk somewhere along those lines, really i have no idea how old they are, teen!phan, well by the time this ends theyre not really pretending anymore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-22
Updated: 2015-08-22
Packaged: 2018-04-16 14:41:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4629054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inkbloot/pseuds/inkbloot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“you’re my neighbor and your grandparents are coming to visit and you’ve apparently been feeding them a lie about how you’re dating me to get them off your case so could i please be your pretend date for like two days you will pay me in concert tickets and mac and cheese” au </p>
<p>Phil's grandparents are coming over, he needs to pretend to be dating the neighbour. Dan is the neighbour, he has never even seen Phil before... but why not?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Long story short, my name's Phil

**Author's Note:**

> I stayed up until 3am for this I hope you like it, it definitely took a bite of my soul. Also, please indulge yourself and listen to 'Sing for Absolution' when they're at the concert.

Up to this day, Dan had honestly paid no attention to his neighbours. He didn’t mind them, they weren’t annoying and he never saw them anyway. In fact, before this day, he didn’t even know what they looked like. Going by the evergrowing number of flowers sourrounding the house - that they managed to plant without him ever seeing them -, he’d just assumed he lived next to an elderly couple or something along those lines.

So when a guy that didn’t seem much older than him came up to him one day and introduced himself as ‘the kid next door’, he was a bit more surprised then he should have been. But what surprised him even more wasn’t the fact that someone who had almost the same haircut as him was a driveway away, not at all, but rather the reason that guy was coming to him.

“Hi,” he’d said. “Long story short, my name’s Phil, I live right here (he gestured towards his house), very pleased to meet you. Could you, hum, maybe help me out with something?”  
“Huh.” was Dan’s very elaborate answer. He was studying the boy standing in front of him. A fringe that covered most of his forehead, skin as pale as his (which wasn’t something to be proud of, really), and eyes so blue they looked like someone had borrowed a corner of the sky to put it in there… really not what he was picturing as the typical suburban neighbour. “Sure, why not? I’m Dan by the way.” He wasn’t sure if he was supposed to hold out his hand for the other one to shake it, or initiate some kind of elaborate handshake. He ended up not doing anything, and just awkwardly staring at Phil’s face.  
“Oh my god, thank you! You’re litteraly saving my life right now,” he blurted out, seemingly very relieved. “Well- not exactly, but you get what I mean.”  
“Very pleased to be this useful, I guess.”  
“So hum, basically you, hum…” the black haired boy started, his excitement vanishing suddenly, as if he was realizing just now that he sounded stupid.  
“I..?”  
“You’d have to pretend you’re my boyfriend. For a bit. Not too long, maybe like, three days or something.”

Dan didn’t say anything. His brain was too busy going ‘what the hell’ to even think of an appropriate answer. He had already agreed to this anyway - what was he thinking, saying yes before even knowing what he signing up for?

“Now, I begin to realize I sound like some creepy bloke trying to hit on you but it’s not the case at all,” Phil continued. “That doesn’t mean you’re ugly or anything, or that I wouldn’t- I mean, I just… yeah okay, hum.”  
“No no, that’s… That’s alright. I’ll do it.” Dan snorted, probably a bit too suddenly.  
“Nice then. Nice. It’s just, you know, grandparents and all… I told them my neighbour was my boyfriend just so they’d stop asking questions, but now they’re coming over tomorrow and they want to meet my ‘boyfriend’. I really hope this doesn’t bother you too much.”   
“It’s alright, I, uh, I’ll see you around then.”  
“Yeah. And thank you again.”

The boy started walking backwards and waved at him, smiling. Dan turned around and started meandering around, not going back home immediatly. All he could think was ‘honestly, what’. When he had woken up his morning, he hadn’t really thought about the possibility that he might have to pretend to be dating a boy he had known for five minutes. Or even to pretend to be dating someone, at all. That’s not what he usually got up to on a typical saturday afternoon. But… as he walked, he began thinking that after all, this wasn’t so bad. It could even be fun. Plus that Phil kid was cute, he wasn’t gonna lie. Really cute.

He got back inside his house and went directly upstairs, crashing on his bed where he opened his laptop and started browsing the internet. A thought interrupted him, though: what would he have to do with Phil? How far would that ‘pretend to be dating’ thing would go? As far as he was concerned, they could just sit next to each other and just talk, or hold hands, and that was it. But what if he had to do something like kiss Phil in front of his grandparents? If that were to happen, it would be painfully awkward. One, because he didn’t even know the blue eyed boy existed until half an hour ago, and two, because Dan, as a person, didn’t have that much experience in kissing. He’d done it once or twice, with girls only, but he really had no idea what he was doing. God, he would never be able to look at his neighbour again if they had to kiss. Not that it was a problem, of course: he’d never seen him until today so he could probably forget his existence if he wanted to. But... he didn’t want to.

\---

The following day, he woke up to sounds of chatter and laughter coming from his window, which he had forgotten to close the night before. He rose up and allowed himself a little peek outside, just to see where the sounds were coming from (usually, the neighbourhood was silent). Next door was a red car he had never seen before, and next to this car were six people, merrily laughing and hugging each other. He recognized Phil, and so he deduced the other ones were his parents, his grandparents and probably his brother or at least some kind of relative. At the sight, he remember he had agreed to introduce himself as Phil’s boyfriend in front of these people, and he suddenly felt kind of really nervous. He saw the grandmother pointing at his house and he almost jumped away from the window, not wanting everyone to see he was spying on them, topless, with his hair still messy from waking up. Now, he was really hoping they hadn’t seen him. 

Moments after, he heard his doorbell ring, which surprised him because people usually didn’t come ringing at - he checked his clock - eleven and a half in the morning. But then he heard his mom calling him. “It’s our neighbour Dan, he wants to speak to you!” she said. Was he already supposed to be going out there? “Crap” he thought, whilst changing his pajama pants for black skinny jeans and putting on a t-shirt of the same color. He ran downstairs, not wanting the boy to have to wait for him, and greeted him, weariness still audible in his voice.

“My grandparents are here,” Phil announced (which meant he hadn’t seen him stalking earlier, thank god for that). “You ready to, hum, you know…”  
“Just give me a second to eat and all,” Dan explained, “shouldn’t take too long.”

Phil gave him a nod and Dan rushed to the kitchen, popping two slices of bread in the toaster and pouring himself a giant glass of orange juice. He looked at his reflection in the microwave, fixing his hair a bit and trying not to look too tired. He turned around when he heard the toaster go off, and found the neighbour standing in the kitchen’s doorway, arms crossed on his chest, inspecting the ceiling because he didn’t really have anywhere else to look. Dan deduced his mom had invited him in - either that or he wasn’t a really polite kid -, and just went on with his business, grabbing his toast, spreading peanut butter on it and eating it as fast as he could. When he was done, he looked at Phil and suddenly thought about something.

“Shouldn’t we prepare a story on how we met an everything? Because your grandparents aren’t going to be very convinced if we can’t tell them how long we’ve been together for.”  
“Oh yeah right,” Phil agreed, apparently realizing that too. “Let’s say we met at a concert, that sounds young and cool and wathever they expect me to be. What artists do you like?”

Dan thought for a bit.

“I really like Muse,” he answered, “and it’s perfect because they were in town like two months ago.”  
“Perfect then, we met two months ago at a Muse concert - I love them too by the way -, and we got on really well and started talking and stuff… And at some point about a month ago, let’s say I asked you out and you said yes.”  
“All cool, but,” Dan objected, “why are you the one asking me out? I think that’d have to be me.”  
“And why so?” Phil laughed  
“Because I’m the one that makes decisions in this relationship, that’s why, and I-”  
“You’re getting a bit too into this,” Phil interrupted  
“Still. I asked you out and you said yes, and here we are.”  
“Okay, okay, as you wish mister ‘I’m in charge’. Now come and let me introduce you to my family before they think we’ve started making out in your room or wathever.”

Dan blushed, only slightly, and it didn’t seem like Phil had noticed. He just followed him outside, and right before they were visible, Phil just grabbed his hand and pulled him a bit closer.

“For the sake of plausibility,” he justified. 

Dan didn’t really mind, though.

\---

So far, all was going pretty well. Dan had met Phil’s family: his parents, his grandparents (who had seemed really excited that he and Phil’s haircut were so alike) and his brother, Martyn. They were all nice people, and the house had a sort of warm atmosphere, something that immediatly made you feel at ease, relaxed, at home, even if you’d never been here before. The first hour had mostly been them learning about all the amazing things the grandparents had been doing in the past year; a lot of travelling, flying in balloons and swimming amongst sharks. They did not look so young and yet they were still doing more than Dan would probably ever do in his entire life. That was pretty impressive. During that hour of storytelling, the boys hadn’t really let go of each others hands or their proximity. So that the Lester family would totally fall for it, obviously.

Soon, it was Phil’s turn to tell them all about where his was with his life. He started off with the obvious questions, how’s school, what are you going to do later, that kind of stuff. They had really just ignored Dan until they asked Phil about that famous boyfriend of his, and that’s when he started telling the story they’d made up in Dan’s kitchen, all about the Muse concert and what came afterwards. Phil was really good at pretending, Dan almost didn’t need to say anything, it all sounded so real and he didn’t want to ruin it by saying something stupid that didn’t make any sense. The grandparents kept eyeing their attached hands, smiling fondly at Dan, who started to feel slightly bad, knowing this was all a lie. They really looked happy for their grandson, he felt bad knowing it wasn’t real.

The rest of the afternoon went by surprisingly fast. The family had a variety of board games, and they were something Dan shamefully enjoyed. He was all grown up now and not really supposed to be spending afternoons playing Monopoly with friends anymore, but he still loved it. They played three games, and Dan even won one of them. He also stayed for dinner, which was great, and then he decided he would leave, because otherwise he felt like they were going to ask him to stay the night. Phil accompanied him to the door, hand on his waist, which he didn’t remove even if they weren’t in the family’s sight anymore. Again, Dan didn’t mind.

“Thank you so much, really, I mean it,” the black haired boy said when Dan was stepping out of his house  
“You’re welcome, and it’s nothing really: your family’s lovely. And your mom’s cake, oh my god, that was absolutely delicious. You’ll tell her I said that. I’m almost tempted to pretend to be your boyfriend for longer just so that I can have some free cake.”

Phil smirked at him. 

“You could really. I wouldn’t mind. Well, have a nice night!”

Before Dan could react to what he had just said, the boy closed the door, leaving Dan thirty seconds away from his own front door, a bit shaken by what Phil had just said. “I wouldn’t mind.”

\---

Phil had told him he’d have to pretend for ‘three days or something’, but his grandparents ended up staying the entire week. And so, well, Dan did too. Even if Phil had said he didn’t necessarily have to come every single day, he did, because he wanted to. He blamed it on the cake, but truth was he was really enjoying all that ‘pretend to be dating’ thing. He really enjoyed having Phil close, their fingers entertwined, spending practically every second together. He didn’t want it to end. 

But it had to at some point, of course. When he visited for the seventh time, he found the grandparents hugging everyone in front of their car. They saw Dan arriving and they hugged him too, as if he was now part of the family after one week only. And then, after a few greetings and one last family hug (which Dan wasn’t included in), they left. Phil’s parents and Martyn went back inside, which just left the two boys on their own, standing on the Lester’s front lawn, an awkward silence between them until Phil decided to speak.

“So,” he began, “are you staying or?”  
“I think I’ll go back home,” Dan answered, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “With me spending the whole week here and all, you know…”  
“Yeah. See you around, then.”

Phil went back inside, but Dan didn’t move immediatly. He was staring at the neighbouring house, wondering if it was all over. All the ‘pretend to be dating’ stuff. He’d more than enjoyed it. In fact, he’d go as far as to say he now had a slight crush on Phil. Slight. And that he was gonna miss the affection they had to have towards each other, that they were supposed to fake but that he hadn’t really been faking lately. 

\---

It had been two weeks since Dan and Phil had last spoken. Dan had tried not to think about it, but he had, a lot. He wanted to go to Phil, to spend time with him, to get to know him (the one thing he hadn’t really done in their one week of fake dating). He had realized how lucky he had been to be the one that Phil went up to for this whole thing, because now he knew that if he wanted all of that back, he’d have to earn it. There was no faking anymore. Only he couldn’t bring himself to do anything. He didn’t feel like it would work. He didn’t feel like Phil, amazing Phil, all blue eyes and black hair and sunny smiles, would want anything more between them. If at first he thought about Phil reaching for his hand or smiling at him or being close to him, all of that even when his grandparents or parents couldn’t see them, as a sign that maybe he could hope for something, he resigned himself: this whole thing was fake, they’d both agreed to that, so there was no way. At all. 

Only that day, Dan’s phone rang, it was a number he didn’t recognize, but when he picked up, it sure as hell was a voice he did recognize.

“Hey Dan!” Phil greeted. “How are you doing?”  
“Hi Phil,” he greeted back. “Good. Really good, thanks.” That was a lie; he was missing him. “How about you?”  
“I’ve been doing so much better since I’ve heard the news!”  
“What news?”   
“You haven’t seen? Oh god, oh god Dan, brace yourself!” He seemed so excited Dan wasn’t actually sure if he was supposed to share that feeling or, on the contrary, be scared. “You know how you told me you liked Muse?”  
“Yeah?”  
“They’re coming to town in two days!”

Oh god. Oh lord. Oh good lord. 

“You’re alright there?” Phil chuckled. You could hear the smirk in his voice. Dan must’ve gasped louder than he meant to.  
“If I’m alright? Hell, my favorite band is coming to town and you’re asking me if I’m alright?” he choked. “I’m not okay, I’m gonna fucking hyperventilate.”  
“I know right? We have to go! I swear if we don’t, I’ll… shave my head or something.”  
“Well,” Dan answered with a giant smile, “don’t wanna waste that mane of yours right? Course we’re going you spork!”

Dan heard the springs of Phil’s bed squaking under the boy’s weight. Then, he heard typing noises.

“Okay,” Phil said, trying to compose himself, “I’m on the website. And I’m gonna book the tickets right now. And you know what? You told me it was your birthday soon, right?”  
“The eleventh of June, yeah.”  
“Well that’s settled then, since that’s like next week: you sir don’t pay anything, I’m inviting you as a birthday present. And, you know, to thank you for that whole… date thing”

Dan felt his cheeks reddening.

“Wait, are you really? How much are the tickets?”  
“I have enough for two tickets in the area in front of the stage. We are so doing this!”  
“Hell fucking yes we are,” Dan blurted out.  
“Language,” Phil jeered. “There, bought them. They’re printing.”  
“Oh my god Phil.”  
“Oh my god Dan.”

They had both turned into a giggly mess.

“I’m so glad I found a neighbour who’s as fangirly as I am, really,” Phil admitted, still cackling.  
“Me too, you have no idea how glad I am.” How glad I am that I found you.

They spent the rest of the evening excitedly chatting about Muse, Dan already feeling a lot better than he had in the last two weeks. “Wonder why,” he thought.

\---

“Dan!” Mrs Howell shouted, “It’s Phil, he’s-”  
“Yes I know mom, I’m coming!”

This time, Dan hadn’t just woken up and he didn’t have to take his breakfast in less than three minutes. No, this time, he was all dressed up already, he’d just been pacing around his room for half an hour, waiting for Phil to show up so they could finally attend that goddamn concert. Well… ‘finally’ was a big word, they’d been waiting for two days only. But still, it was waiting and it counted. He rushed downstairs, grabbed his keys, and practically jumped out the door where Phil was waiting for him, as excited as he was, if not more.

Phil had a car, which was a nice thing since it meant they didn’t have to ask for a lift or get there using public transport. Of course, they put on some Muse during the ride, to get in the mood already (as if they weren’t excited enough already). They both were almost yelling the lyrics at the top of their lungs, and Dan was dancing, as much as he could when he was strapped to a car seat with approximately one square meter of space to do so. 

When they finally got there, they rushed in, like jumpy teenagers attending their first ever concert, elbowed a lot of people so that that could go as close to the stage as they could possibly get, and it all started. And oh god was it good. 

They lost track of time, entirely lost in the music, too captivated by the sounds and the sight of their favorite band right there, right in front of their eyes. It was amazing. They didn’t even mind all the people around them. Sure, the crowd was dense, but wathever. It just brought them closer to one another, and not one of them thought about coming close to complaining at this moment.

Dan’s eyes wandered around. He wasn’t looking at the stage anymore, he was looking at Phil. And Phil was looking at him too, and he was drowning in his blue eyes, and that was okay. He’d let himself sink. He didn’t want to swim.

He felt a hand timidly meet his, and he smiled. It had been too long since he’d felt Phil’s hand in his. Two weeks was way too long when you craved for more. He let Phil’s fingers slide between his, but he didn’t stop there. They had been standing side by side up until now, but Dan took a step so that they were facing each other, both their hands attached. How he had wanted this. Phil’s face so close to his, Phil’s breath on his skin, Phil’s scent all over him. Phil.

When they kissed, it was gentle. Not a crash of lips, a clash of teeth and tongues and mixed, shaky breaths. It was a sweet, tender confession. It was everything at once, yet so peaceful. It felt soft, and right.

Dan knew he wasn’t a good kisser, and Phil guided him. Phil smelled like vanilla, Dan thought, and it was so incredibly cheesy, but so incredibly true. His lips were soft, and his hands all the same. Hands that had made their way up to Dan’s waist.

Dan smelled like nothing in particular and yet everything at once, because he just smelled like Dan. Dan whose lips were maybe a bit chapped, but also everything Phil had ever dreamed they would be. They felt right. Everything felt right, Dan’s hands in his hair and his body pressed up against his, music feeling up their ears, everything around them disappearing all at once. 

It was Phil who broke appart, and he smiled. And that’s when Dan knew that oh god, no matter what he did, what he tried, now there was no going back and he was in love with this boy. He didn’t mind, though. At all.

“It’s funny,” Phil whispered to his ear, “it’s happening almost exactly like how we said it would when we made our story up for my family.”  
“Guess it was just meant to be,” Dan laughs, and he’s not sure if Phil heard all of what he says, but because he’s laughing, then the other boy is laughing too. They’re both laughing and they’re both so happy.  
“Well,” Phil continues, “it’s not exactly happening like we told them, and you know why, Howell?”

Dan shook his head.

“Because I am the one taking control now. I am the one that says ‘Dan, I love you.’, and not you.”

Dan got closer to Phil’s ears, because he wanted to be sure he was gonna hear him.

“Doesn’t mean I don’t get to say it too. Phil, I love you.”  
“That’s so cheesy.”  
“It’s supposed to be cheesy,” Dan chuckled.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes those two last lines were from pinof, yes I am absolute trash.  
> (so sorry for that terrible pun ('he didn't feel like Phil, amazing Phil, all (...)')


End file.
